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[October 12th, 11:10am] |
lost for words to accept my treasure
i'll learn them well, but at my leisure
left here, scared to love, and bruised
standing in the pouring rain, confused.
my goal's in reach and easy to see
but i do not know what's best for me
angry sides both wanting the worst
ignoring all the lies that i've rehearsed.
these simple chances come and go
this i learned so long ago
give up now, there's no going back
hit my heart hard, add another crack.
hurting the one that i love for sure
holding back all of my feelings for more
decisions, decisions, i just can't win
it's just too hard to hold up my chin.
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[October 10th, 1:10am] |
TRUST :
Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
Something committed into the care of another; charge.
Reliance on something in the future; hope.
Why does able to trust people seem soo hard ? Trust is able to relie on someone, without the fear of being hurt.
But what if your whole life youve been lied to, always hurt never cared for, nothing. Theres just a few people you can say care & even when you say they do in yuor mind you STiLL question it.
You give your heart out for the taking TRUSTiNG that you wont get it back in pieces. Guys will sweet talk yo and tell you all the things you want to hear. & you fall for it even though you know it may not be true what they say but your TRUSTiNG & at the end a little bit more of your trust is gone cause your left broken and hurt.
What if all your trust just left you ? You dont have the wil power to trust anymore cause all youve heard are lies and stupid pick up lines. What if your tired of believing that theres someone to prove you wrong ?
As much as I want to believe and trust some guys and friends, its hard now more than ever. Its liek I cant, im holding back from the fear of being hurt cause its the worse feeling. But its something ive always felt.
Its so hard to explain.
I may know a person for a god amount of time & i know they woudlnt hurt me
but I cant trust anymore ! its so hard but amazing how something can
effect a person. how stupid memories and people can do this.
I dont know whether to believe what they tell me cause i dont know if
its just another way to get into my heart or if there serious.
Everyone tells me now ..
CHiN UP BEAUTiFUL
it will all get better
i WANT to believe, but i cant unless im proven
but i cant be proven cause i wont let people get into me anymore
cause i cant trust anymore ..
its really late and my wriiting isnt that wel right now cause my head is thinking of way to many things so ill try again tomorrow ..
♥ tuti
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[October 8th, 7:10pm] |
Love is beautiful but cold hearted
Love's the reason i'm here on the floor
losing my faith in all that is good
dropping my walls from where they once stood
I thought i could trust love
but at least I can say we gave it one hell of a try
my soul is in tatters, my heart is in shatters
cause to trust is harder now & fear takes over
but this little girl once dreamed of a love thats true
i'm dying, bleeding my shame
I told myself never to love again
Seen too many friends crying over hurtful guys
I kept my walls up and proud
but they shattered into nothing
Fuck love & fuck it's lies
i'm through with it all, what a suprise..
& I hope every minute of every second you breathe
I hope you remember exactly what you did to me
i pray that you cant sleep without thinking about what you did
& that the guilt haunts you every second of the day
i pray that one day youll feel the pain you gave me
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[September 18th, 4:09pm] |
I want that boy. The one every girl dreams of.
I want the boy that'll love me for just being me.
I want the boy that'll kiss my forehead & wipe my tears away.
I want the boy that'll hold me tight & make me feel like I'm all that matters.
I want the boy that'll remember my favorite color.
The guy that'll hold my hand even in front of his friends.
I want walks in the park & to dance with no music playing.
I want to look in his eyes & see all the reasons why I love him.
I want kisses in the pouring rain.
I want him to slip his arm around my waist.
I want to know that he loves me for everything I am & everything I'm not.
He'll laugh when I get frustrated & he wont be afraid to argue with me.
We'll tease each other & play fight & he'll always let me win.
I'll be his & he'll be mine.
-- i need a guy like that :/ --
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[September 16th, 10:09pm] |
Laugh when you can.
Apologize when you should.
Let go of what you cant change.
Kiss slowly & love deeply
forgive quickly. Take chances
give everything & have no regrets.
Life is too short to be anything but happy.
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[September 2nd, 9:09pm] |
Advice To all guys.
Hold her hand & make her feel wanted
Put your arm around her & make her feel safe
Tell her she's beautiful.
Anytime she gets mad at you, try to avoid it & tell her you care.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Call her and tell her how much you care.
Get her mad, and then just kiss her.
Stay up with her at night till you both fall asleep.
Let her take all the pictures of you she wants.
Look into her eyes, and tell her that they are gorgeous.
Slowdance with her, even when the music is fast.
When she's sad, stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
Kiss her in the rain.
.. and when you fall in love with her tell her ..
------------------------
im not afraid of heights
im afraid of falling.
im not scared of the dark
im scared of whats in it.
& im not afraid to love
im afraid of not being loved back.
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[September 1st, 9:09pm] |
Dear Girl,
i think it's time for you to let go of him
(*( he has hurt me & you too much )*)
it's time to leave him behind.. I know it
will be hard but its for the best trust me
remember : always follow yur heart & every
thing will be fine : love . always
♥ YOUR BROKEN HEART
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| another about love |
[July 20th, 2:07pm] |
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CUTE WITHOUT THE E // TBS |
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Here's some more about love
Love is much more than an emotion or feeling. Its something we dream about, we can loose sleep & alot more things for it. The moment we have it we are so scared we are going to lose it. You have absolutely no control over it; it begins quickly but it can leave you quicker.
If you are meant to be together, you will be, & if you love someone with that mutual feeling felt between two hearts, no matter the obstacles in your way, things will work out. It may not work out at the moment but later on in life it will.People have this thing that if it doesnt work now it willl never work, but they need patience,you say you love the person. If you do you need patience give it time and thought. Let things come on its own dont force or push it.
Everyone in some form or another wants to find love. Some have hard hearts towards it because of love found and lost & hurt them, or some are just too stubborn to want to feel love. The chances of getting hurt are high & some people are too scared to take such a chance. Whatever the reasons, even the most independent person cannot resist love when it comes. It hits suddenly, and it hits hard, you have no choice but to follow along blindly. The feeling that takes over your heart is purely uncontrollable, but amazing. It opens many people's eyes to their own shallow hearts, because often they would never fall in love with someone that is just not cute enough or smart enough; someone they wouldn't even take a second glance at if it was lust.
Love changes everything, making everyone involved a better person, even if the outcome is bad. It is possible to love many different people throughout your life, but there is only one person that you feel you cant live without, that yes u have loved other but this person cant compare. You have a deeper connection with him, one that you will never find with anyone else.
Consider this, never settle for the person you can live with, wait for the person you can't live without.
Teenagers fall in love quickly, having many broken hearts and failed relationships. Teens shed many tears throughout the high school years, but it's the knowledge they learn that lets them grow into a stronger person. I know that I am still a teenager & have not had much life lessons taught to me, but I am speaking from the experiences that I have gone threw.
It does in fact open the door to even more hurt than say a summer romance, but it's a feeling that is well worth it. Love can hurt & it can be pretty bad, makes you feel depressed sad like its not worth it or how ever. But when you fall in love you have to be prepared of the risk of getting hurt nota ll things can work out at the time. Love has its down.
If you love someone, love them with all of my heart and soul, love with everything you have, holding nothing back.Love is an amazing feeling between two people, something that everyone should experience. It is an important thing in life, possibly the most important. You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in a spirit of love.
Comment please*
mwahs* Tuti*
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[June 28th, 5:06pm] |
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 GETTiNG THREW LiFE |
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HOW COULD YOU |
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♥What's love ? ♥
love.. ive been sitting here going from site to site,dictonary to dictonary looking up the definition to love it seems like they all said the same thing, it felt like it had no meaning. Has love lost its true definition ? Love isnt something you can put into words, its an emotion that is unexplainable, a feeling youve never felt for a person. It's so hard to describe the word because there so many feelings felt. Its such a strong word but now these days i see little 8 year old using the word thinking they know what it means. Can you honestly say you love a person ? Can you see yoursefl with them about 10 years from now ? Can you say that if you and the person get in a fight you dont talk for years and you see them couple years later that the same feelings will still be there. That you would can stop talking to the person years later you would still want too be with that person. I think people misinterperate the meaning to that word. They use is as if it didnt have any meaning, as if it was nothing. Me, myself as a person have used that word in the wrong way ive realized it, i had my boyfriends here and there and we would say that we "love" eachother when it was just and infactuation, we didnt love eachother we just had strong feelig for eachother. I'm 15. young. and ive been thinking of all the times ive used that word and i would take it back, i realized that i have felt love.
i can honestly say that i did love someone But the thing about love is that you have to be prepared to get hurt. You may love someone but they dont have to love you back. I think thats my situation, i can see myself still having the same feelings for him years from now, i can see myself meeting him again in the future still wanting to be with him. I could be down depressed but if he would walk in the room everything that was bothering would leave my mind. I still feel like the love he had for me is still there, i want to look him in the eyes and ask him if he's happy now.
He has hurt me torn me apart left me hurt and wounded but i can still say that i love him even after all the tears ive cried for him i still want to be with him. People ask me " tuti how can you still love him want after all that he's done to you". I simply answer "thats what you can call love." It hurts to know that he doesnt care, but its life, it hurts. You have to have patience in love.
Everyday is another day i try to forget and put him to my past, trying to move on and meet new people and enjoy life. I wish i never got into love sometimes cause its so complicated. So i think im done here so i'll write later. mwahs*
Tuti
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[June 25th, 2:06pm] |
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 umm i dunoO |
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LOOKS DO KiLL // ALL MY HEROES |
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Someone special once told me this and i realy appreciate it.."I cant stand a critic. what the fuck is a critic anyway? Thats somebody that can't do what you can do so they wanna critisize "
Do people critize you because you have something they dont or because your living a life they want ?? Why do people have to be cruel sometimes .. do they realize what they can do to a person . Im susposed to be the girl that stays strong but i continue to break daily . that girl who's always there
& seems to have no problems of her own. the one who holds back tears until she's off the phone,that girl that is in love with a guy that cant love her back.the one without fears that doesnt care . But its hard to live life like that cause i do have my fears regrets tears and everything else. I have alot of things that i dont understand. Life is such a hard concept to understand and its something that u have to struggle threw to become a better person. But some people are stronger than others. What if your not strong enough to keep going .. that youve been hurt to many times and cant handle it anymore. oO well things like these are thing i have to think about . cause i dont know what to do anymore. i get tired of getting hurt crying being sad. I wana cheer up but i have no reason to . i want a moment to be mine but i want a great moment a moment that people will ingnore what theyve heard and just appreciate me for once. I feel so worthless sometimes like i dont matter. i wana feel loved and cared about. maybe thats y im always with a guy or sumthing . cause i need to feel cared for. =/ .. aunoO..
i never thought that i could question life so much. That i can struggle this much. I need to find my extra push . my reason to keep going. i need to find it quick. i duno what i shuild do anymore. but thankyou to all the comments you people wrote b4 i realy appreciate it ,it really helped me..
TUTi
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| my deep thinking |
[June 21st, 6:06pm] |
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just my thoughts |
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whats life about? do our choices or actions that make us who we are and what we are? is that how people judge us? on what we wear or say or do? does that happen so it can determine our destinys? Does going threw this pain make us stronger people? Do we become stronger people for a reason? To lead us in the way we are destined? But what if we dont want to? What if on the way to becoming strong you just give up? even if people tell you not to that your better than that. That one little action or memory can fuck with your head. What if you just want to give up? What if your tired of taking in all the pain and memories and you have to let it out? What if holding in all your saddness drives you to depression? Why do all these things happen.. i just want to understand.
Its really hard to hold in all these things in me. I really want to give up at points. I always question myself, my life, what im capable of, everything. I want all my questions answered even though i know they can't be. I just sit in my room thinking about everything possible, i question this and that. Wanting to know why i cry, why i make myself bleed, why im so depressed. Does all this happen to me for a reason? i want to know so i can understand so i wont do this to myself. Is this all a plan? My faith as ran so thin now. That i lost all my faith in everything. People ask me why i do these certain things, and i cant answer them cause sometimes i dont know myself. I dont know if its my own self relief or just a way to replace my memories. Sometimes i hate to be alone cause i know ill remember, i hate remembering my past. People say im just saying things but they havent lived my life, they dont know. Practaclly all my life ive kept away, ive pretended all my life that im happy that im okay. But i have to admit already that im not okay. I hurt i cry i bleed i feel alone i hate, i cant stand this anymore. I hate being like this but i am. I want this to all go away already i want a day that can go good that things dont pass my mind. I always wish for things to go right for me but they dont. I dont want to be hated, i dont want people to talk crap about me, i dont want to be used, i dont want this to happen anymore. I want to know the meaning for things. I know i cant but its like a need i feel. I want a simple life, i dont want to fight with people everyday, i dont want people talking shit about me. I want people to get to know me instead of just looking and then judging i want them to know ME not what they heard from who ever but ME. Ive tried so hard to please people, ive molded myself into someting im not and i hate it. i hate waking up in the morning and thinking what i have to wear so people wont talk shit. But i'm happy with what i wear now i dont like what i wore before. But it bothers me that i change what i wear for otehr people instead of myself. I want to be myself but ive lost who i am. I tried so hard that i got lost along the way. Right now i'm just in the proces of thinking about everything. So i'm just letting everything out. I dont like waking up the morning hating life i dont like talking on the phone and pretend im ok, i hate laying down in my bed and sleeping knowing i have to live another day, i just hate everything now that hurts me so much. Im scared of myself. It sounds stupid but its true, i need to be saved, i dont know what to do anymore..
Comment please...
Tuti
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